As military wife and mother to a pair of young girls, Sarah Sees ignored her own increasing symptoms of depression and suicide ideations until it was almost too late.
“I felt I had to be in a place where my kids were taken care of first before I could get myself help,” said the Elysburg/Danville native.
“I got to a point where I couldn’t handle it. My husband carries a gun for work. My depression got so bad that if I knew where his gun was, I likely would have shot myself. I knew at that point I needed help.”
Over the past 15 years, the rate of suicide deaths has increased by 34.3 percent according to a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
However, while suicide rates increased by 21 percent for men during that time, it jumped up 50 percent for women, according to a recent study by the National Center for Health Statistics.
Shattering the stigma
The first step in addressing the suicide epidemic, according to Safe Schools and Healthy Students Project Director Anne Katona-Linn, is to debunk the stigma associated with it.
“People think of any emotional issue as a character flaw. They see it as there being something wrong with them as a person instead of what it really is in most cases — a brain disease,” she said. “When we know someone with cancer or when someone breaks an arm, we have sympathy for them. But when someone has an emotional issue, many times the response changes.”
Sees traces her depression back to a bad car accident when she was 17 which left her with a fractured skull and a lost junior year in school.
The depression grew over time, boiling over three years ago with ideations of suicide.
“I never got to a point where I really wanted to commit suicide, but life just felt so overwhelming,” she said. “When I started driving past where my accident happened, an idea kept circulating in my mind that I should get out of the car and walk into traffic.”
In more severe cases, like the one Sees experienced, hospitalization may be necessary. Unfortunately, that can carry its own negative stigma that can be a hurdle for some.
“I checked myself into the Meadows (a 117-bed private behavioral health care facility near State College). I was there for 12 days,” said Sees. “They were definitely equipped to help me with my issues, and I greatly benefitted in a more specialized mental health facility.”
Watch for changes
Katona-Linn admitted that identifying someone who may be suicidal can be a real challenge.
“Many of us are not counselors. It isn’t easy to put the pieces together and see where they may be pointing,” she said. “Perhaps the biggest red flag to consider is a drastic change in behavior one way or another.”
Katona-Linn is part of a close-knit kayaking group that has been devastated by suicide — four members have died by suicide over the past six years.
“We hang out with these friends and everything seems like it is going wonderful, and you wonder what you missed. On the river, for many of us, is a great escape from struggles at home. You go from a high on the river back to a bad situation and feel helpless,” she said. “If someone starts to become noticeably more or less engaged in activities they’ve loved in the past, it can be an example. Paddling is a positive thing, but if someone starts obsessing about it or doing it all the time or making more risky moves, it can become a way of self-medicating, and that can lead to bad things.”
Katona-Linn stressed that attempts to get one’s life in order can also be a signal that things are not what they seem.
“Some don’t want to leave behind a mess for others to handle. When someone is giving away or selling some of their favorite items, it can be a sign of something more,” she said. “Of course, anyone who says they don’t want to be here anymore, or that they wish they were dead or no longer a burden on others — that can also be a sign of someone who needs help.”
Genuine care and conversation
Connecting with a friend or loved one who may be struggling is critical in making sure they don’t make a life-altering decision, according to Katona-Linn, and that connection requires judgement-free conversation, genuine care and follow-through.
“People who are suicidal feel alone. Many times, they feel no one cares about their situation or they don’t want to burden others with their problems,” she said. “There is a lot of value when someone in that mindset has someone take a genuine interest in them, who lets them know they matter and that they don’t need to deal with the storms alone.”
Sees admitted that someone who is struggling may not know how to best communicate that they need help.
“I remember asking for help, but it wasn’t as if nobody was listening. I just wasn’t able to articulate how bad things had gotten for me,” she said. “Open-ended questions can help, but the key is to allow conversation to happen and to make sure you are giving your friend a safe space to express him or herself.”
Support and follow-through
Katona-Linn cautioned that those who help others need to follow through with what they promise.
“The key is building or rebuilding a genuine connection, and trust is a big part of that,” she said. “Plus, it is important to communicate with others who are connected with that person — not to gossip, but to share genuine concern, see what others have noticed and work as a team to make sure the person is getting what he or she needs.”
Katona-Linn is a certified instructor for QPR — or Question, Persuade and Refer.
“QPR is basically CPR for those who may be thinking about taking their own lives,” she said. “The key is to be an open ear, to listen, and then to help persuade the person into getting help without judgement.”
According to Sees, persuading someone to get help starts with being honest about your own limitations.
“It’s OK to admit that these type of issues are above your pay grade, so to speak. You point out to your friend that you are concerned, that you value him or her and you want to help, but that you are not equipped to do that alone and that you aren’t going to let him or her have to deal with the situation alone, either,” she said. “For a lot of people, having a friend take them for help — the companionship of that process — can mean everything.”
Make the referral
The referral part of helping someone with QPR can take a variety of forms, according to Katona-Linn.
Family doctors can help a person find the mental health services they may need to get better. For more urgent cases, local emergency rooms can be a good first step, or contacting the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). Another option for immediate, confidential assistance is via the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website (www.samhsa.gov), which can help find specific services for a variety of issues including addiction. The toll free number for SAMHSA is 1-800-662-4357 (HELP).
Katona-Linn relayed that each county has its own crisis hotline where someone can come out and assess the situation and connect the person with appropriate services.
For more information, someone can visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
